Cancer and Death
One sunny day in August 3 months after Freddie was born Louise was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma Multiforme Grade IV. The medical term for a terminal brain cancer with a life expectancy of between 1 and 2 years. It's a bastard which they don't know much about. Normally found in older men. There are 4 grades, with 4 being the most aggressive. In its worst state it can double in size in a matter of weeks. There are also unique cases where people can live for years, but the bell curve peaked at 11 months on wikipedia, the Spanish surgeon said at 12 months and the UK surgeon 18 months.
None were right. 3 months 6 days later she died.
If, like me, you always watch The Snowman at Christmas. By the time it is shown in the late afternoon you might have had a sherry or two, and I'll always have a huge lump in my throat which even the neighbours can hear me swallow. Well, the closing scene chokes you up because in many ways, this is what it feels like to see your partner of 12 years pass away. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sv-hizR6dUk
In no time at all you watch everything you loved, everything you built, everything you were excited about melt into a mere shadow of what it ones was. And soon you become painfully aware that there is absolutely nothing you can do, or say, or pay to change the nightmare that is taking place in front of you.
And in the end we are left with her scarf in the wardrobe, that I can’t bring myself to open; her hat on the shelf that I can't stop at and the other bits of our everyday life strewn across the house in exactly the same way it was before August.
