Dads House would like to introduce James… he has a story to tell…
…the reason he is here and part of this group is to offer support and add value. To help others who are dealt cards that lead them to a position like his. The world is changing fast. It is no longer that Mums bring up the kids and Dads work. The barriers are breaking down and in many ways the pressures that were once solely on Mum are now spread to Dads. I think we can do something worthwhile and have a positive impact on Dads out there.
James will be taking charge of the new Dads House blog and telling his story in the hope it will let others in a similar position out there know that they aren’t alone and they have someone to talk to should they need to.
Please share this page or the individual posts when they appear: http://www.dadshouse.org.uk/blog
Five minutes after birth Louise said, 'shall we call him Freddie?'. I said, 'he's only just been born shall we wait until we see whether he looks like an Freddie'. To which she replied, 'yes, yes, ok, lets wait'. Fifteen minutes later she asked one more time, ’shall we call him Freddie?'.
It was then that I realised they had been living together for 9 months. They already knew each other and had built a bond. It was me the new guy on the scene! And thats why I was crying and Louise (normally the soft one) was happy and behaving as normal. So I smiled and said yes, he's called Freddie.
When life is extremely unfair you look for the silver linings. And it does help me to know they were together for a year. But it doesn't take away from the fact we only had another 6 months all together.
My principal job was refraining us from going back into the hospital too early. I held out till the next afternoon when we were back in the Uber. They said, 'you're just there, 4cm dilated (at 10cm you're about to pop). Go upstairs to your room'.
And from then it went into fast forward. Louise got comfortable in the bed. I looked out at the setting sun. The midwife took a look at Louise and asked her not to push, but Louise kept saying thats all my body's telling me to do. She rechecked, called over to me, 'Husband, press that red button on the wall... We're having this baby NOW!'
Within a minute we had 5 people in the room, a wheely table with scalpels and other metal tools. She had moved from 4cm to 10 in about 20 minutes and now it really was game time. About 8 minutes later Freddie was pulled out all covered in blood and looking like a drowned rabbit, laid on Louises chest and wrapped in blankets.
I was so proud of her. I can't imagine a generation before when the father often wasn't there, its such a powerful experience and the admiration for the mum is off the scale. The emotion hit me after a few seconds when I saw him and tears rolled off my chin. The nurses and midwives loved that! We had grown the family that we'd always wanted.
My name is James and I’m a single father who’s looked after his son, Freddie, since he was 3 1/2 months old.
I'll be sharing my experience here to raise awareness for Dads House and to show other Dads who fall into a situation like mine, for whatever reason, that it's been done before. And I'll tell you about the good, the sad and the funny.
I am going to write about what it is like to be me. This will mostly be about the grief from the loss of a soulmate and raising my 9 month old boy.
The names have been changed because neither Freddie nor his mother can decide if they want to participate so I think it's fair to share our life accurately but with different names.
I feel like I've mostly had a vision and direction in my life, and fought to make it happen with optimism and then let the details fall into place. So I think this blog will follow the same strain. Let's see what happens...